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Thursday, August 19, 2010

SLEEPING ROUGH

So, yeah, I'm reduced to sleeping in the garden now in a six-quid tent.

Six quid!!! - how low can you go? I didn't know you could buy a tent for six quid. It's probably made from human skin or something. Off-cuts from the abattoir in West Camel. Ed Gein & Sons, camping equipment by Leatherface, etc, etc.

The next-door neighbour took pity on me and loaned me his blow-up mattress. I was quite happy with the foam thing I'd got - four quid: what a rip-off - almost as expensive as the bloody tent.

Six quid!!

He also loaned me a lamp. "In case I got scared."

It's really comfortable though, the tent. And warm. Though there's a bit of a dew-leakage issue.

Something weird sorta attacked the tent at about 3am - an animal of some sort - threw itself at the back of the tent 4 or 5 times, kinda rammed it. Kuhtrhussh! Booosh! Good job I have absolutely no imagination whatsoever. Probably just the cat.

Or some sort of undead thing.

Think I'll start decorating the tent tomorrow. Customise it.

Pigeon feathers and bones. That sort of thing.

Yeah.

ONE-EYED MONSTER

Not sure how this one passed me by - only heard about it today - but it looks a lot of fun.

Basically, porn-star Ron Jeremy's dick gets detached from his body and is possessed by a sex-starved alien life-form. No, really. The penis-creature ("Juan" !!!???) then goes on a murderous rampage, attacking the cast and crew of an adult movie, who try and trap it - Scooby-Doo Style - "when it is limp and at its weakest." Their plan involves 'circumcising' it with an axe.

Well, you would, wouldn't you?



"If you see it coming - you're already dead."