Monday, April 05, 2010


TV blew up this evening - which doesn't bother me much tbh; but kids are on Easter Holiday, so we could be looking at a major insurrection unless this situation is at least partially remedied. Actually, the fucking thing was only three years old - in fact, I had one TV that lasted 19/20 years! What are they making them from these days? Fookin' flatpack cardboard? - and yes, I know, I'm starting to sound like Mark E. Smith.

So, Chris gets the old portable TV out of the attic that I'd bought for my mum before she died. It's 13+ years old and has been sitting in a damp old roofspace for Christknowshowlong, but - fuck me! - she plugs it into the Freeview box and the damn thing works.

Not only that, but - despite being a, I dunno, a 14" CRT (the tube's deeper than the screen is wide!) - both the picture and the sound are, uh, far superior to the bloody flatscreen that just went fzzzzt. Once again the lie that digital-is-better is torpedoed out of the water.

Not sure if I can even be bothered to replace the old one. Fuck it: I like having a tiny analogue telly again.

Anyway, the point I was going to make was: while plugging it in, I catch the arse-end of Romancing the Stone and what about that bit, huh, where the Kathleen Turner writer-novelist character is coming back from the grocery-store and everyone in her neighbourhood - even the bums! - is cheering/clapping/gladhanding n congratulating her on her latest novel as she passes them on the way back to her appartment?

I mean, that soooo happens to me everytime I put a new story/novella/thing out there.

The local hoodies all cheer n highfive n knuckle-joust me as I pass: "Duuuude, you are the king of Faux-Jewish Meta.Fict - word!", "Way to go, bruv! Keep pounding them keys! Me and the guys think you're the bomb - don't we, fellas?" (*muffled background cheer from nearby boarded-up crackhouse*), "Your blog's a hoot, man; cracks me and me mum up right proper! She thinks you're well lush, by the way! Can she Blu Toof ya sometime?"

Yep, bang on the number, that scene. And, yes, Blu Toof is a local term for a certain sexual act.

In fact I'm about due to wrap up m'latest 'opus', so can barely wait for all mah local homies to shower me with their blessings and good wishes. It allus brings a lump to me throat knowing my whole neighbourhood is rooting for me.

Awww, you guys...


At 2:47 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

I'm always getting slated for it - but I HATE NEW TECHNOLOGY.
Old TVs/Videos are much better.
VHS is better than fucking DVD.
CDs are fucking shite.

At 7:27 pm, Blogger I am not Kek-w said...

Sounds like a manifesto.

You're amongst vinyl-loving, analogue-fetishing friends here. I don't *hate* new technology as such, but I do question the need to upgrade to shite which is often worse than what you had originally.

It's often just a ploy to keep the wheels of consumerism turning.

At 7:39 am, Blogger farmer glitch said...

I seem to spend my entire life - retuning the crap freeview box - just so the system ets me watch even more channels of repeats ... I've had enough - man 0 if it were not for those pesky kids and the constant need for Ceebeebies the thing would be in the swamp in a second !!

At 9:12 pm, Blogger Pete Um said...

I bought an old (early 80s?) Sony off a mate at least ten years ago. Tube is at least one and a half times deeper than wide but its never given me a moment's trouble and seems set (world's worst pun just there to your left) to outlast analogue TV. I know this is all old man's shit but I can't get my head round the experience of wandering past rows of massive flat screen tellies in Dixons or somewhere, all with nasty oversaturated colours and blatantly obvious pixellisation, and all costing a fortune. I mean it's one thing to drone on about the warmth and fidelity of tape or something but surely the world's most undiscerning consumer can get past the fact that the TVs are big and flat and see the picture's crap? Because if not surely there's no fucking hope for us all. Like, why would I bother advancing the view that Robbie Williams is not unequivocally talented in the presence of someone who can't tell that his face looks distorted and blocky?

Shit. Rant mode... disengaged.

At 9:28 pm, Blogger I am not Kek-w said...

Rant all you like, mate!

I totally agree; it's all about Spectacle, innit. The Bigness, the 'newness'...HD...3-D ...pixellation is something I like to play with on phone-camera video - all that swarming algorhythmic gash - n trying to make a virtue out of it for a laff, but it just looks crap on a telly. I went to switch our old telly off a night or two before it blew, and up close you could see just how cheap n shitty it looked. Chris was saying how nice it is to have a glass screen you can actually touch and dust and wipe kids' felt-tip pen marks off, etc.

It sounds like Old Man's Talk, but - fuck it! - they *are* better.


Post a Comment

<< Home