Saturday, December 26, 2009


The BBC's Christmas Day Tea-Time News was kinda surreal I thought:

They showed the aborted Christmas Eve attack on the Pope (apparently the same woman tried it on Christmas Eve last year; there's a pattern emerging here; let's hope it becomes an annual event: next year a flash mob!) - with a cadre of shades n black-suited MIB-pope-securitat piling in, no-doubt yelling "Pope down! Pope down! into their throat-mics... then followed it up with a fast-flash montage of attacks on the Pope and his predecessors that - sorry if yr a Catholic - made me involuntarily laugh out loud at the sheer absurdity of it. Random shots of different Marks of the Popemobile; multiple-POVs from phone, CCTV and media cameras: Popes in jeopardy, dozens of the bastards - different eras, different skullcaps and crooks, different haircuts/shoes/crow-lined eyes - Popes disappearing under piles of bodyguards, ducking down behind bullet-proof glass, pious half-smile still intact as bullets whistle past him/them, psychotics coming at His Holyness shrieking schizoabuse ("Satan, Satan! I smite thee, Lord of Flies! Pigfilth!"), C of E black ops specialists and Methodist assassins armed with ghurka-knives, garottes, grenade-belts, etc charging at a transchronal procession of crosstime Popes...on and on: a plethora of Popes. A Popetagion.

(Am I allowed to say "aborted"?)

I have a thing about re-iterations - fast repeats of the same thing (but with minute variations) - it triggers a circuit in my head that causes some inner vista to kaleidoscope outwards until it fills up my head and propels me into some endless Sea of Possibilities populated by an infinite mathematical series of variants, analogues, partial duplicates, imperfect doppelgangers. It makes me go: ARRRRRRGH!!! THERE'S SOOOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING!!!!!

But I don't. Ever. Want. It. To. Stop.

It feels sooo good. So don't take it personally, Pope Versace or whatever Holy Nonsense yr called.

The paint colour-charts in B&Q have a similar effect on me ("How can there be sooo many colours"). I cried when DC got rid of Earth-2, Earth-3, etc. was So Narrow-Band.

After the Pope's little contretemps they showed a clip of The Queen emerging from her local church on Christmas Morning and bugger me if the organ music coming from inside didn't sound like the intro to "Light My Fire" by The Doors.

I've had "Bar-B-Q Pope" by The Butthole Surfers going through my head for the last 24 hours:

"They shot the Pope,
They shot his ass.
He's holdin' out.
That's where it's at.
Yay! Yay! Yaaaay!
Yay! Yay! Yaaaay!

I went behind my van last night.
I woke up sad.
They shot the Pope,
They shot the Pope's ass.
They shot the Pope and I feel good.
Yay! Yay! Yaaaay!
Yay! Yay! Yaaaay!"