KID SHIRT

Thursday, March 26, 2009

SLOOW JOB FESTIVAL

Just a gentle reminder that the SLOOWJOB Fest. is this coming saturday @ Netwerk - Centrum voor Hedendaagse Kunst - at Houtkaai, B-9300 Aalst, Belgium. And what a bloody cracking line-up it is too.

BULLIES BEWARE!

Hello, chums! Those pesky internet bullies have been up to no good again!

Apparently, they've just added Guru Josh to that spiteful Spotify playlist that they've set up in my name. Grrrrr: that really is a step too far. It'll be Paul Weller next...oh, drat! I mean, oooops...errrr, it's not Paul Weller that I really, really can't stand, but...uh, Paul Kantner. Yes, that's right: Paul Kantner - what a dick! I, er, really can't stand his music. No, I can't. It's really awful, especially those albums he made with Grace Slick after The Airplane split.

Anyway, those cowardly bullies are all about to get their cum'uppance...'cos my dad's found out - but I didn't tell on you, honest! I'm not a grass! He hacked my Dissensus account and found all those nasty messages from the other kids calling me a beardy ol' hippy tree-hugger - so he's paying for me to have judo lessons and he's just bought me a Whitesnake tour t-shirt too. Says I need to toughen up a bit, see?

As for slaggin' off Alison Goldfrapp...well, that's so-five-years-ago. So put that in your pipe and smoke it! I hated her before you did; and now that you johnny-cum-latelies all hate her too, I'm going to show you all whats-what by, er, declaring my undying love for her. "I love Goldfrapp!" See!

Ha! I'm crazy like that, me!

You'll regret this when Goldfrapp agrees to be my bride. I've just texted her, asking if she'll put on her false horse-hair bottom specially for me. Ha! I bet she will!

And then I'll marry her and become her producer and her manager and she'll record an album called "Goldfrapp Performs Songs in a Baltimore Club Style".

Just you wait and see!

Losers!

BULLY BEEF

I have been the victim of internet bullying.

I've read about such things, of course; but never thought it would ever happen to me. A bunch of complete cun...er, sorry, I meant, Big Kids from Year 6 have banded together using various social messaging sites such as Twitter in an attempt to make my life miserable. It's like The Masters of Evil, if they were 10 yr olds.

This cabal of junior bully-boys have created a Spotify playlist called Keksfaves or Kekslist or something similar and are filling it up with tracks by The Smiths, Morrissey and Van Morrison.

Except there are only two Smiths tracks on Spotify. This is because The Smiffs are so completely shite that even Spotify won't host them. So put that in yer pipe and smoke it, you...you big cowards! I'll - I'll get my imaginary friend onto you!

And - and that Morrissey's a big ponce - my mum told me. And Dad said he was a big girl's blouse.

Yesterday, a bunch of these spiteful lads cornered me behind the bike-sheds and said they were going to add songs by The Housemartins and The Jam to 'my' playlist. "What do you think of that then, four-eyes!?" they said and laughed. Then Saxon Roach fired his pea-shooter at me. He used dry split-peas and it hurt like buggery.

I said I'd sit in the middle-school library and consider my response. Ha! That told them, eh, readers!?

Anyway...apparently, they've opened this play-list up so that anyone with a Spotify account can add stuff to it - bloody rascals! Luckily they don't know that I can't stand My Bloody Valentine, Nick Cave, The Monochrome Set, The Specials, Nirvana, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, etc...! *Snigger*

Luckily, you chaps are far too sensible and nice to join in that sort of behaviour.

See you down the bottom of the football-pitch at lunchtime!