Friday, December 11, 2009


Me, over on Loki's blog, talking about why I don't - can't! - have an Album of the Decade.

Haven't posted on Idiot's Guide To Dreaming for a while, but it makes sense to post this piece there for a whole daft raft o'reasons. One is because Nick and Loki had already started a quasi-thread there, but - mostly - well, sometimes it's just good to be amongst your friends.

I'm still pretty uncomfortable talking about some of the bad shit that happened to me in the early part of the 00s - it feels self-indulgent and, well y' I'm trying to score sympathy-points, being a drama-queen or making some fucking obscure point about something or other. I still carry a lot of guilt and discomfort about this shit (and the bad stuff that preceded it), but I have to peel some of this dead skin off of me.

This is all kinda awkward and personal, but tbh this is the lightweight version. The really bad stuff I'm saving for either my memoirs or the grave lol.

I've had an, uh, interesting life, I guess.

If I could change one thing about that period tho it would be the fact that my wife had to suffer it with me. Without that illness, I wouldn't be who or what I am today, so - in a very weird way - I'm oddly thankful for having gone through it. It gave me the gift of a second life.

But I'm not thankful for the terrible burden it put on her. That's the one thing I'd change.

Burroughs spent a large chunk of his life "writing [his] way out of trouble." I've only spent the second half of this decade trying to do it. It's working out okay for me, I guess, but I've still got a long road ahead. A lot of words I still need to write down.

Like the rest of you, I'm just making this shit up as I go along.


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