IT'S NOT MY BAG

I hate buying anything in Marks & Spencers - I try to avoid the damn place completely, if possible - but every time I go in there the fuckers give me another Bag For Life.

I now have so many of these that I'm like a cat, with nine or more lives in the bag; metaphorically, if not literally: cartoon ropes snap and falling safes and pianos crash down on me from above, leaving me undamaged; I bounce off the bonnets of hit-and-run drivers with little more than a scratch. Everytime, I just get up, dust myself down and keep walking (cue: background music by Chumbawumba). And still they keep giving me more Bags For Life.

How many more bags? How many more lives?

Do stuntmen buy their microwavable meals in M&S?