Finding all the recent bluster and blather about EMI highly amusing, following their take-over by private-equity pricks Terra Firma: artists quitting or going on 'strike' or the total silence from the Kylie camp in the face of a 1000+ job-losses (the poor, troubled pop-poppet millionairess recovering from a bout of the best-health-care-that-money-can-buy and all she wants to do is relaunch her career
The idea of Robbie Williams going on strike is pretty hilarious, tho...on strike from what?
I'm tempted to ask. Last I looked, he didn't even have a career. Presumably, he's going to picket his own LA mansion to stop himself lolloping around w/ a bunch of ex-pat hanger-ons and putting on weight. He'll prob. be there chanting socialist slogans and lobbing bricks at himself every time he wanders to the fridge in his dressing-gown and slippers. ("Oh, I know, I'll grow a beard to hide my double-chin." Actually, did anyone see that recent photo of a fat-looking Noel
Gallagher? It's usually Liam who sings with his chin up to hide the lack of a jaw-line.)
"Last I looked, he didn't even have a career." Actually, that's not fair - I confess I'm kinda tantalised by the idea of "Rudebox"...it had the Pet Shop Boys on it, and I really liked the idea of an album that had tracks called "The Eighties," "The Nineties" and "She's Madonna." I keep meaning to check it out, but it hasn't dropped below four quid in Woolworths yet.
The real issue here (and William's spokesman kinda inadvertantly let the cat out the bag in his choice of words - no sympathy for the mass job-cuts, y'understand) is that beneath the talk of wrangles over Rob's back-catalogue there was a palpable, unspoken fear that his management have just forked out a fortune to get Guy Chambers and Mark (bleeeurgh
) Ronson back in writing songs again in an attempt to summon-up a career-saving comeback album, but there won't be enough staff at EMI left to promote it properly
Poor old Robbie, poor old Kylie.
As much as I hate asset-stripping, bean-counting City-knobs like Terra Firma (they offered me £2mil for the blog provided I stopped swearing, quit drinking gin and started appealing to a mainstream Country demographic, but I said Nah), they do have a few naively valid points about the way that the music biz has operated over the last few years - the excessive 'entertainment' bills, the back-handers and the hand-jobs that oil the wheels of the pop world (£20,000 for candles
- what's that all about!?). While it's not as overtly corrupt as, say, the UK arms industry, who seem willing to fork out millions to Saudi princes, it's certainly up there w/ the shenanigans of the 'agents' who infest Premier League football or the naff ostentatiousness of Elton (it's his money and his right to spend it how he wants; and it's my right to criticise him for it).
'Course, I'm being deliberately naive here about the financial fire-power and PR greasing it takes to build a hit album/artist, but I don't actually give a shit. The majors spent money on promotion like it was going out of fashion, just so they could make us buy sub-standard shite: now they're broke and whining, and we've ended up with Kate Nash and Joss Stone and an 'indie' scene that's flogging Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong as an alternative. An alternative to what: suicide?
Fuck off, the lot of you. Get out of my house.
For as long as I can remember, those stickers saying "Home-taping is Killing Music" used to annoy me; I always thought they should say: "Record Company Excess is killing Music." Now the culprits are downloads and piracy - the consumer becomes a convenient scapegoat for management failure. If only other business-models could work that way: green-grocers blaming their lack of customers on the fact that "the little fuckers are growing their own now."
Still, the best quote came from Lily Allen, who said: "Radiohead are devaluing music." LOL.
Sorry, but I laughed so much I had to change my pants.