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Friday, September 05, 2008

STEALTH

Saw "Stealth" last night - in fact, it's one of the best things I've seen in weeks - Dom, you'll love it!

Basically, it's a console-game pretending to be a film. In a nutshell: the US Navy develop a new generation of Steath-Fighters flown by a squadron consisting of Good-looking White Guy, Good-looking White Chick and a pre-fame Jamie Foxx playing The Black Pilot-Fool from Tha Hood. I'll let someone else make the Team America comparisons; "Top Gun" for the Post-CGI Generation might be another one.

The team get a new wing-man in the form of a robot Stealth-Fighter with a Hawking voice-chip that's being road-tested for a new generation of post-human war-machines (designed by Keith Orbit!): it's kinda Knightrider meets Blue Thunder or Air Wolf, but a high-tech jet!!!! Cue locker-room debates on the nature of War, ie it's only War when humans suffer and get killed - anything else is just a video-game...human soldiers make constant moral judgements every minute of every day and a mere machine could never do that blahblahblah (yeah, go tell that to [civilian victim of your choice]: "oh, look it's a towel-head: ratatatatatatat!")...real deep philosophical stuff, y'dig...

Anyway, after first mission (all non-Americans are depicted as archtypal swarthy/beardy terrorist-types that inhabit sweaty, stinky old-fashioned-looking Eastern cities lol…and rogue nuclear weapons are transported by Bozostaani warlords via ox-cart) the robot-plane is struck by lightning - it's neural-net evolves and gains sentience! This manifests itself as the plane downloading and playing crap Nickelback-type anthemic Soft-Emo tunes while it turns on its human buddies and tries to nuke Pakistan.

Good-Looking White Chick is shot down over North Korea (in an admittedly v. cool parachute plummet scene) and is hunted thru the jungle by sadistic-looking shaven-headed North Korean soldier and his squad (this time next year the baddies'll all be Russians (but played by British actors) - you mark my words!)

Meanwhile, Good-Looking White Guy (who can never admit his love for Good-Looking White Chick because that'd be, y'know, unprofessional and unsoldierly ...who's the A.I. now, ya big dummy!?) has to chase down the sentient jet before it flies into Russian air-space and triggers WW3.

And Jamie Foxx dies because he’s, y’know, not white enough

"Stealth" is great for all the wrong reasons. If you loved "Red Dawn" "Red Scorpion", etc then your inner 12yr old will think this is utter genius too.

5 Comments:

At 7:50 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

I shall deffo check it out. Meantime I'm compiling my 10cc top ten....

 
At 10:03 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

PS : I love 'Blue Thunder' - it's my favourite helicopter film.

 
At 12:06 am, Blogger kek-w said...

Cool! Looking forward to it! Maybe you should do a top 10 helicopter films post....? Spotted Sniper2 and Sniper3 as a double dvd in local shop recently, but didn't buy it - too many other things I haven't watched yet.

Just watching that trailer again just now and spotting all sorts of wayward symbolism in it beyond the usual techno-war-sex fetishism: the collapsing building as a sort of 911-revenge fantasy perhaps?

 
At 4:10 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

Hmmm, Top Ten Helicopter films, that might be cool.
Currently working on 2 Top Tens...Disaster Movies & Great Hair.

 
At 5:35 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

Perhaps you could combine the two themes...?

Your 10cc Top-Ten was great btw.

 

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