KID SHIRT

Thursday, August 28, 2008

NO JAA

NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA!

It's: NO JAA! Head for the hills!

Too late! Here come The Jammalungers with their inside-out lungs hanging from extended throat-sacs and their little crab-like fused-finger hands: they've got an extra chromosome they inherited from an odd-looking uncle. That mass of cartilage and tangled blood-vessels sure looks ugly, but wait til they plug in their pocket crow-trumpets!

And here comes Mondi Cotton in her nylon Cloak O'Plenty, all vaporous-looking like a mobile smoke-machine. She mikes up old carrier-bags and plays them like a drum-kit! Krrrsh-Krt-Krt! Sqkkkssst!

And watch out, baby! Here comes Nanny N’syncpullt, stealing gastic juices from small children like a Rural Chav syphonin' diesel from a tractor. She squirts it into a bucket and seals it with clingfilm 'til it smells real bad, then inhales it and retches when she's ready to record a jam. "Naughty Rat88:n Imonaatipäivä... N’soittoyhtyepyllynsoittoyhtyepylly N’syncpullt. Täällä!!" she squeaks as she straps on her Non-Guitar, angle-amps set on 8; cutlery for plectrums: all treble and top-end; no bass. This'll sound great, she thinks and it does! Her thoughts orbit her head like marshmallow word-balloons. Pink ones.

And here comes Phantom J. Wunderbar on loan from The Frozen Legion of Ice Ants. Mandibles clacking w/ excitement at the prospect of a new release. He records himself fixing his bike and emails it to the studio. But the studio has no email, so the sounds just sit there on a mail-server.

Forever.

NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA!

There's drums coming from inside the coal-scuttle; someone's locked themselves in again.

There's drums coming from inside the fridge; someone's locked themselves out again.

My feet are filthy. There's sooty hand-prints all over the pantry door.

Little men turn up in little cars - not toy peddle-cars, but real cars: I think they've been miniaturised by Doctor Zuelan (he's skulking in the shadows dressed as Korla Pandit!) and his Shrinko-Gun. Atoms squished and crushed dn into tiny versions of themselves; a mass-bypass. So, yeah, they turn up in their little cars - doors slam as they get out, but the sound is pitched up a couple octaves. It's like the air is all brittle and trembly. Brrrrr: tiny people give me the creeps. Am I allowed to say that?

They get out their cars and scavenge for instruments in the kitchen: coming back with biscuit-tins, ladles, wooden spoons, sheets of grease-proof paper, a child's drum from under the stairs. They open the boot of one of the tiny cars and remove a miniature Casio keyboard, small guitar-amps, tiny coiled jack-leads...

They set up and play.

NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA!

This...this CD arrived through the post several weeks ago. When I opened it my wife said: "Heh. You're gonna have to raise your game, mister."

I don't think she was talking about the CD.



I promised myself (why? I don't know why!) I wouldn't talk about Finnish bands so much on this blog - it just seemed so, I dunno, unfair on the rest of the world.

Every time I think that there can't be any more great bands left to hear in Finland I suddenly discover another fifteen in the same day. Twenty! Thirty! Fifty! This happens constantly. It happens all the time. There are too many great bands in Finland!...please, I beg you!...I-I can't keep up with it...could you all stop being so great!?

Please.

NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA!

NO JAA are great.

(There, I said it)

Their CD is great.

(I said that too)

It is called "NYNNYKEKKERIT".

It sounds every bit as fantastic as it looks. Here's some track titles (don't ask!):



"Mongolian Wild Ass" - LOL!

If I had to pick any favourites, it would be, uh...

Track Two (I'm not even going there with the titles): a 46 seconds (!!!) Casio Swingbeat version of some unreleased song by The Undertones with a bag of crisps for a snare-sound.

Track Three: 1:16 of caterwauling Austrian fairground rides accompanied by an 178bpm Ms. Pacman loop and a bucket.

Track Eight is over seven minutes long and it's a genius collage/montage piece reminiscent of one of Can's patchwerk quilt tracks that restlessly flits from vignette to vignette; starting all spooky n low-kick, then shifting to a cardboard-box and radio-voice shuffle; violins, saws and sinewaves try to outshrill themselves, then a whistler hooks up with a wobbleboard and a rambler for a waltz thru a home-made machine. A slide-gtr glides over a 15 drone miniature. Metal sheets thundercrash over kiddie perc. And not a whiff of musicianship in sight (and I mean that in a totally non-pejorative way). A triumph of the imagination over formalism! I've listened to this a dozen times and it still surprises me every time. The hoots and clangs and rustles and rattles. Sounds collide and reform; they shag and give birth to awkward, ugly children the likes of which this world will never see again beyond that moment. (No marks for syntax there) In a Music Biz so bereft of ideas, No Jaa are a yipping, yapping, yelping hurricane of random body parts ripping thru a shopping-mall. This is a job for Johhny Meson!

And Track Nine: what the fuck is that about? Lobsang Rampa reincarnated as a Residents out-take circa 1971.

And that discombobulated voice on Track Ten, like someone trapped a Dimension-6 Nebbbbish on an answering phone.

My wife's right: I'm so going to have to raise my game.

No Jaa are from Turku. I love them already!

I did a sort of interview with them several weeks, but I've been so Time-Outa-Joint lately that I thought it was a couple days ago. I can only apologise. To the band, to you the reader and to my dear, dead mother.

NO JAA!

"NO JAA started in Turku march 2008.

Members are:
Pekkaeerik Lihatiski
Kukkiva puutarha (me)
Zuelan
Kladoni Mangusti
Josse (Tipuhelma ) Ostan Banaanin

"It was supposed to be a Punk band, but we didn't have a drum set or reheasal space so we just made random noises in my flat and recorded everything! The songs on the CD we sent you are the best parts of these recordings (we haven't managed to make actual songs yet). That rockin' gtr on some tracks is playd by Lihatiski, cause he's good at that kind of thing, but otherwise nobody really has a fixed instrument, we switch a lot during play.

"The main instruments are gtr, two synths, some improvised percussion/drum machine from one of the synths + lots of other stuff. Nowadays we mostly use gtr, real drums/scrap metal percussion, and a synth and mic put through gtr amps.

I (Kukkiva Puutarha) am also in Jämäbansku (a wonderful band, whose MySpace is now sadly deleted! But there's a lastFm here - Kek), and Zuelan is Hipsu Jänis The others kinda play as a rock band sometimes.

"Me and Zuelan are also Vierivä Viiksiportieeri and bang on empty oil barrels etc. in an oldskool industrial band. NO JAA hasn't had any new material done for a long time, 'cause some people wanna make songs instead of Improv, which of course slows down our productivity (especially since we havent really had much success at making songs...!!)

"We had two GIGS (1 week apart) in a squat, and it was really nice & cool (although we had no audience).

"Nynnykekkerit (wh/ means "Geek Party") is only the album name (although I suggested it for band name, but nobody really liked the other's band name suggestions, so we settled for the most neutral ("no jaa" means "oh well" in Finnish).

"Oh! and also everybody from No JAA except Josse is in Robbing is Bad, But Don't be a Racist, which is supposed to be a synthpop band!"

Weirdly, I'd stumbled across Robbing is Bad, But Don't be a Racist early in the year, but hadn't sussed it was pretty much the same guys! And Milo sent me some really funny translations of track and band titles and stuff...but all the emails have all disappeared along with the MySpace site. Gah! If I can coax him into repeating some of the stuff he talked about, then I'll post it on Kid Shirt.

Jämäbansku will be appearing on a CD that I'm putting out at some point.

Believe.

And the last (live) track on the Cd by No JAA is a 24-minute Black Noise shitstorm that'll travel back to 1924 and shave yr dead auntie's legs of hair, skin, muscle and bone.

NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA! NO JAA!

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