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Monday, July 14, 2008

THE MOST BORING BAND IN THE WORLD

Something to amuse yrselves with while I have a bit of a lie-down:

So who is the most-est boring band/solo-artist in the world, then?

And I don't mean the most irritating or bland or outright, plain crap...but the most boring...let's see if we can nail some folks to the mast here - see if you can tick as many of the fucking dull-as-dishwater boxes as possible: live in concert, recordings, personality-wise, etc.

And let's not just go for the obvious fuckers: U2, Coldplay, etc...

Let's try for some that might be a bit more contentious, lol. I've had, ooooh, all of 25 seconds thought on this topic, mentally fast-flicking thru a list of instant-contenders that surfaced into the slow-cooker that used to be my cranium...Roisin Murphy, Faithless, Manic Street Preachers, blahblahblah...and rejecting them for either being last years news or not being quite as insomnia-solving as they could be...

Okay, so I'm gonna start the ball rolling w-w-with:

Massive Attack.

"Karmacoma," indeed. Zzzzzzzzz.

So, c'mon, feel free to fill up my comments-box w/ some snooze-inducing names...and that means you coy little lurkers whose psychik presence I sometimes detect flitting at the edge of my bloggo-vision - don't be shy, y'all, both barrels now...

31 Comments:

At 11:30 pm, Blogger doppelganger said...

I reject the question. The 'band' as a cultural artifact has been co-opted by the man. As an aspiration, being in 'a band' no longer carries the cultural resonance that it used to.
By band I mean four or five people, usually blokes, fuelled by creative tension between two egos and another couple of plodders to keep to the beat behind them.
I know there'll be sniggering in the back row from the trendy kids, but I'm gonna throw all the Smiths, Buzzcocks, Pistols... hell, even Oasis in the air and say that there aren't good bands like these anymore.... precisely at the time, when, of course, the charts are full of 'em.... but all The Flukes and The Twerps and The Whingers merely serve to illustrate that being in a band is a spent cultural phenomena...Last band I saw was The Long Blondes, a band held together by a lonely and anachronistic need to be in a band.
Massive Attack aren't a band - they're one bloke and whoever gets roped in.....
Ice Bird Spiral don't count (in this sense only mind) cos there's too much of a mature emphasis upon studied anonymity...
So, I reckon it should be: 'name an interesting band'...

(oh and I'll 'fess up to liking Faithless now else Loki will only turn up and out me....)

 
At 11:32 pm, Blogger doppelganger said...

But, to answer the question..... what was that supergroup Damon Albarn was in that was lined up to play Ashton Court but got rained off?

See.... even the name escapes me....

 
At 11:34 pm, Blogger doppelganger said...

And while I'm at it.... where's everyone gone? I know I've been a bit quiet lately, but I'm looking for absence notes from the likes of St. Anthony....

 
At 11:55 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

"Massive Attack aren't a band - they're one bloke and whoever gets roped in....." I did say band or solo-artist...not fussy about the number of people involved LOL - boredowm was the main criteria...

"what was that supergroup Damon Albarn was in?" - The Good, The Bad and The Queen. Matt Woebot likes 'em.

"where's everyone gone?" We're it, I'm afraid. There's no one else left LOL. Just the echoes of our minds...

 
At 9:34 am, Blogger Loki said...

Stereolab, except maybe two or three tracks - they always send me sideways. Particularly annoying because I always really wanted not to be bored by them and I liked their sleeves.

 
At 1:33 pm, Blogger Geoff said...

REM were the most boring band I've seen live and since I saw them they've churned out album after album of boring boredom.

The Smiths were pretty boring (extremely boring live) and Morrissey's solo work bores the arse off me.

Leonard Cohen's incredibly boring.

Nick Cave's been boring for quite some time. He even looks boring now.

Faithless, now they're pretty boring - I'm amazed that bloke can't get no sleep.

Primal Scream...Jesus, no more!

 
At 2:51 pm, Blogger Betty said...

Save for one or two early tracks, REM have been consistently boring for over twenty five years. Michael Stipe is the most boring eccentric outsider pop star of all time. When I saw them live they were accomplished, dreary and seemed to be on stage for several days, despite the fact that Stipe promised that they would finish after half an hour. Every couple of years they'll release a new album which will get a four star review in Mojo/Uncut where it'll be described as "a return to form". The only remotely interesting thing any of them has done is throw a pot of yoghurt at somebody on a plane.

Any band who has ever been interviewed by Gary Crowley. Gary Crowley sucks the life out of anyone he comes into contact with. Come to think of it, he interviewed Carbon Silicone on one of those satellite stations (Rockworld?) and they played live, and it was life sapping. Two middle aged blokes who looked as if they'd been dragged back on stage down the pub by their mates ("Go on! Just for old time's sake!"). Awful.

 
At 4:12 pm, Blogger farmer glitch said...

I was dragged along to both see (and god help me talk to) Nora Jones in Hong Kong a few years back - trust me - evenings do not come anywhere near as boring as that ... she plays with what must be the most boring hotel-lounge-band in the world to accompany the most boring combination of notes ever to be strung together !@!@!@!@!

 
At 7:12 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

Stereolab! - Now that's what I'm talking about...

I've got a bunch of their albums...but - dammit, Loki! - you're totally on the number there. Trouble is, if I sell their records (which I never play) I'll get all nostalgic for them in 8 years time and have to buy them all back again just so that I won't play them...lol...

I think I'll add Tortoise to the list for exactly the same reasons - really nice blokes, etc who occasionally sounded great on paper, but - let's be honest - it's a bit dull innit?

Geoff and Betty have pretty much nailed my entire A-List of boring snoozers, tho Smiths/Stephen Patrick irritates me too much for me to be 100% truly bored. Tho they/he is fucking boring. Nick Cave, Primal Scream...good work, Geoff! Glad it's not just me.

I will admit to a huuuuge soft spot for Mr. Cohen who's far too louche n funny to ever be boring, tho a live show's prob. low on thrills I bet...

"Michael Stipe is the most boring eccentric outsider pop star of all time." LOL He's sooooooo colossally whacky, ain't he?

Nora Jones: just her name sends me to slezzzzzzzp. Bury her next to Corinne Bailey Rae.

 
At 7:51 pm, Blogger Cloudboy said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 9:24 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

Jesus & Mary Chain were THE most boring band I have ever seen live.
Will be back with more....

 
At 10:53 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

God, yeah: I remember that...

They were so incredibly dull...I couldn't wait for them to fucking finish playing their set. I liked their early records, but live: zzzzzz. I think Bobby Gilespie was drumming w/ them when we saw them.

Gilespie: another boring git.

All talk; no tunes.

 
At 5:43 am, Blogger db said...

All talk, no tunes? Sounds like My Bloody Valentine. Loveless is a *shit* album. There, I said it.

(This is Bauler from MPA; I finally figured out my old password.)

 
At 5:53 am, Blogger db said...

Although now that I think about it, the king of boring, the all time heavyweight champ of boring, in all arenas, has to be Lou Reed. Lou Reed is to the Velvet Underground what Mike Love is to the Beach Boys, only nobody ever tries to tell me what a genius Mike Love is (I'd actually like to hear someone give that a shot).

 
At 8:38 pm, Blogger El Duderino said...

Dome. Ever managed to listen to all of one of their albums without falling into a coma? Also Sonic Youth. While I enjoy their more user-friendly stuff, much of their recorded output is up-it's-own-arthole tuneless wank.

I'm going to court controversy here by suggesting that the previous statement is equally true of King Crimson and Van De Graaf Generator. That should raise some hackles!

 
At 9:44 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

I did see The Icecubes way back They were dull as shit, they just had that one song.
Mind you I only went because I was trying to cop off.
'Where's Everyone Gone?' I know, it's like a haunted house after the ghosts moved out.

 
At 10:59 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

DB in the house!

Good to hear from ya, man! (I've got something to send to you - are you still at the same address....)

In comes DB: Splat! Down goes MBV...

Scrunkkt! Lou Reed falls dn the stairs, blood spurting from gash in neck...

Ref: MBV - Deb's a Yeovil girl and as much as I love her to death I'm not a fan of MBV (as regular readers will grok) or the Cult of Kevin Shields. Agreed: Loveless is a crap album. So, kerchuuung: down the hatch into Room 101.

L. Reed spent so long trying to appear studiously bored that he didn't realise he'd become a bore...he's spending his dotage trying to appear deep and uber-scary to little kids and overly-reverencial Brit journos...someone should just call his bluff and smack him one. I'm a J. Cale man, meself.

Still, that run of classic albums from '71 thru to '75 - not much to mention after that tho.

Sonic yoof! (gasssp!) Surely not...lol...in the bin w/ them!

"the previous statement is equally true of King Crimson and Van De Graaf Generator. That should raise some hackles..." who cares, man - yr amongst friends here...we're all grown-ups....chuck 'em all in the dumpster, I say! Out wi' the old and in wi' the old lol...

Did anyone hear fripp's last album a year or so back....holy fuck: that was so boring and bad that I thought it had to be a fucking joke...

Splaaat! Dn the hatch with boring old Bobby...

Keep 'em coming...

 
At 10:59 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

Kinda cathartic this, dntcha reckon?

 
At 6:53 am, Blogger db said...

Yessir, same address. I'm gonna try to get a package off to you next week with a dub of Mar'ah (which I guess isn't coming out anytime soon) and some other long-overdue stuff.

I should note that I can't think of any band I really like that isn't occasionally boring. For me, the thing that really puts someone in the boring category is a kind of willing and perverse boringness, the notion that they potentially could be interesting but for various reasons they just won't or can't. This is why a lot of bigger-name snoozefests don't really bother me, it just kinda slides by and I barely notice, but once in a while it's just infuriatingly dull. I'm still trying to think of the ideal example of this...

 
At 7:34 am, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

Shit, I meant The Sugarcubes.

 
At 4:49 pm, Blogger farmer glitch said...

Please also include old baldy himself - that oh-so-smug-ambient-man - ENO - lets face it apart from a couple 70's wig-outs (Blank Frank and Baby on Fire being them) - he is just plain crap - My Life in the Bush (have you played it for the past 20 odd years - go-on stuck it on and snooze) - involvement with U2/Coldplay (closed case for sure!!) ..

Music for Airports - give me TG everyday - works for me !!

I have the Television bootleg of his attempts at recording them pre-first-LP - man he even managed to fuck that up .. and lets not even go near that NO WAVE hash-up - cool bands - lousy work Brian - nice one !!

And don't get me started on the Windows startup sound - or Tescos Wine department muzak ... agghhh - grow some HAIR PLEAZZEE !

Phew - now where are those tranqs ??

 
At 6:47 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

Funny you should mention ol' Brian...I was just thinking myself how boring he is...chuck him in the bin - b'dannnggg!!

Yeah, didn't he hash-up the production on first Ultravox album too...? Did they replace his mixes with Lilliwhites (or the other way round)? There's some story there that I've forgotten...

But, yeah...Eno - good call...

"I can't think of any band I really like that isn't occasionally boring." - yeah, DB's right...even our favourites can be slack sometimes, so this is a good exercise in calling them out...let's shoot all the sacred cows!

"For me, the thing that really puts someone in the boring category is a kind of willing and perverse boringness, the notion that they potentially could be interesting but for various reasons they just won't or can't."

Yep - agreed! That sense of disappointment that someone you once really admired has lost their chops/mojo - it's an awful feeling, so let's put 'em all in the pedal-bin and move on...

"Phew - now where are those tranqs ??" - just put on any thing that Brian Martin George has made since, oooooh, 1975....that'll soon put ya to sleep: meee-ooowl!

 
At 6:50 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

"Shit, I meant The Sugarcubes" - yeah, they were deadly dull. Can't work out whether Bjork bores me more than she irritates me it that sorta deal. But, Christ, ain't she a cultural leech, tho...an ideas vampire who latches onto anyone she thinks is 'current' and sucks 'em dry of talent...I wish people would just boycott her or summat...

Still, I really preferred yr idea of The Icecubes, Dom...I think if that name isn't taken, then we should take it for ourselves and do something with it one rainy day. It's a God-given subconscious slip.

 
At 6:55 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

Oh, and can I add fucking Joy Division to the list, please...?

He was nothing special really. And he's dead now.

Fucking get over it. Move on, get a life, etc.

I'm sick of this Curtis-fetishisation, mostly by whippersnappers like Mark Fisher.

Those of us who lived thru that era are bored rotten by it all.

If he was still alive he'd be some overweight blotchy-feature'd dullard footie-fan like Bernard zzzz Summners.

Take some drugs; father some kids. Just fucking get over it.

 
At 7:07 pm, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

Joy Division...Oh yeah. I always thought Love Will Tear Us Apart was shit, they are sooo over-rated.
The Icecubes, I like it, we should get it together & play at the opening ceremony of this year's Olympics. As we'd have 'Ice' in the name it would be like an offshoot of Icebird Spiral. It's a theme, man.
Talking of Boring though, The Stranglers 1979, it was like listening to a record. Considering it was prob only about the 3rd gig I ever went to I wouldn't of thought it possible to be bored, but Jesus, I was.
Glitch might have been there, Skids supporting, can't remember.

 
At 7:57 pm, Blogger El Duderino said...

Ice ice baby! Sorry guys but "The Icecubes" sound like a generic shit indie band. I was once going to call a band "Ice 9" after the Vonnegut thing, but never got it together.

Actually I've always wanted to be a Foleyesque svengali type and have loads of good ideas for bands. My current fave is called "Lesbian Bed Death". I've halfway designed the first album cover, so all it needs is the er... band. If anyone's interested you don't have to be a lesbian, or even a girl, but you will have to wear a strap-on dildo on stage. It's part of the 'concept'.

They'll probably be boring too. Looks like everyone is.

 
At 2:30 pm, Blogger farmer glitch said...

Yeez - Stranglers 79 - yep saw that - - man they were so damn crap and boring I had actually completely forgot I had seen them (thanks for kick starting the brain cells!) - not too sure about the Skids supporting - maybe I arrived late ??

 
At 3:56 pm, Blogger Martin said...

Wu Tang Clan. Hardly 'exciting' or rocking, were they.

That guy from Faithless was so dour - the more saintly he tried to make himself appear, the more he looked like he'd just wet himself.

 
At 6:41 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

"Dour" - lol.

He looks like he's escaped from an advert for something really lame, but I'm not sure what - razor-blades? M&S sweaters?

Yeah, get the comment about piddling himself - he always looks faintly uncomfortable, like his pants don't quite fit.

I wonder where they found him - hitch-hiking on the M32 in April, 1993.

Sister Bliss: gaaaah.

Most modern Hip-Hop is boring - fat guys in big trousers and their own clothing-label, waddling around trying to expend as little energy as possible over a minimal bass/snare-drum shuffle - it's like The Heat death of The Universe.

 
At 9:45 am, Blogger Dominic Zero said...

James Brown!

 
At 10:04 am, Blogger kek-w said...

Bobby Womack!

 

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