KID SHIRT

Friday, August 24, 2007

PARANORMAL IN THE WEST COUNTRY

Apparently, pimply-faced tosspot Peter 'Pete' Doherty has been holed up in Tintinhull, Somerset, a couple miles from our house. Rather sensibly, he stayed clear of Yeovil, otherwise every Adidas-clad Begbie wannabe on the block would be lining up to take a kick. They don't like consumptive Byronic types up Stiby Road, I'm tellin' ya...

Yesterday, he made the mistake of straying into Crewekerne ("The Big C" in local ceebee argot - Chard being "The Little C", and Yeovil being, heh, "Chopper Town"...) to either score smack or some late 70's Action annuals (continuality alert, dear reader), and got into *shock horror* a fracas with a photographer...chasing her into the George Shopping Centre and injuring her in some unspecified manner. If you've ever been to Crewekerne, the George Shopping Centre actually consists of about three, maybe four shops...used to be a great little 2nd-hand book-shop there, but it's shut now...

Anyway, the whole camera-in-Crewekerne thing freaked me, for starters...'cos the further West you go, the more unlikely the concept of photography becomes...technology starts failing soon as you cross the Great Dorset/Somerset divide: it's like The Middelmarches: technology becomes less feasible the further away from money you get...everyone knows those cunts in Dorset are loaded - Polly Harvey's got food-mixers and blenders and tellys and stuff in her house - but soon as you hit the bottom of Babylon Hill on the Sherborne Road, poverty starts noticably creeping in, and technology as a concept becomes increasingly vague and ill-defined, and magick becomes more of a possibility the nearer you get to Devon (and by the time you hit Cornwall, the people are dressed in rags, but, by Jove, sir, was that a unicorn I just saw!!?)...what was that woman thinking of, bringing a camera to Crewekerne...everyone knows those things will steal your soul... even if she had succeeded in papping Doherty, the photos would have just come out warped and distorted, like one of those modified Ralph Steadman polaroid photos...technology just don't work properly round here. We're too poor and too far away from London to appreciate it. That's the real reason I don't like CDs - digital shit sounds all fucked up and alien...

Doherty, meanwhile, is now holed up in rehab in Salisbury, Wiltshire, where, despite what Julian Cope says, sterling is still king and Science reigns over Mankind, not minimum-wage induced superstition...