KID SHIRT

Saturday, June 16, 2007

DREAM THERAPY

I dreamt I went to some sort of music festival - there were no bands there - but when I got back to where I was staying, someone had stolen all my food, clothes, etc. The 'accomodation' was a set of grim concrete cubicles, like shower-stalls. A sort of public convenience. Not enough room to sleep horizontally. People's belongings had been left randomly in them, but mine were no where to be found. I felt dismay and irritation - a typical anxiety dream scenario. But there was a sort of positive resolution: I thought: well, if someone can steal my stuff, then I'm justified in stealing theirs...there was a fridge stocked with food, jam, etc and various clothes, t-shirts, etc. No problem, I could help myself to whatever, but I felt a strong moral reluctance...stealing is wrong, etc. However, I no longer felt angry as I now had the option to steal, as I myself had been stolen from.

(Dissolve)

I was writing a novel...there was 20 or more pages, handwritten in an old spiral notepad. I read sections back to myself - it was good stuff. Better than I thought. I wanted to show it to someone. There was a middle-aged man, but I couldn't get him interested. He didn't see the point to it. I walked down Earle Street, Yeovil, towards the house where my old friend Dave Hunt used to live...the street was restored to its former 1960s glories, the gardens were well kept, local businesses flourishing, not run-down like today. At Dave Hunt's house, no Dave Hunt, but instead my teenage/college friend Gary Harper who I recently made contact with...tho he wasn't actually there, just the sense of him...I'd started to draw a scene from my novel, using a photograph as source material...there was a 1950s American car, a Chevvy or something, some people inside it...a woman outside, 50's hairdo, pinkish pullover, leaning over, maybe talking to someone in the car...objects hovered in the air above her, and over the car...banal household stuff, levitating like a Dali painting...the drawing was very good and I became convinced I could draw every scene in the novel, by myself, using pencils...it would be hard work, but I could do it and it would be a worthwhile endeavour...in Dave Hunt's house, the sense of the presence of a woman, a bodiless apparition who I loved very much.

First section is basically cycling anxiety on writing/music writing...irritation about stolen ideas, concepts, etc, also feelings of 'stolen thunder', lost opportunities...the idea that I could pinch ideas, concepts, pitches from other writers, but have moral reluctance...whoop-de-do: what a stand-up guy, huh? Grow some skin, arsehole.

The last section, a no-brainer...writing or displaying results of writing (blogging?) to get approval from absent parental figures. Disinterest from practical-minded father-figure; taking 'work' back in time to childhood, searching for mother (?) in hope of getting a better response from her than dad, presumably. Dream becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy as I then post it in hope of 'approval' from readers. Blogging readership = substitution for absence parents, blahblahblah?

6 Comments:

At 12:13 pm, Blogger doppelganger said...

Heh heh.... I always had you down as the father figure in this corner of the interweb Kek...

This is gonna be like some transactional analysis version of a mexican stand-off as we all desperately cling to our child role and frantically try to push someone / anyone into a parent role so we can all displace our oedipalised anxieties onto them...

In a strange Spartacus / scum hybrid, who amongst us in this valley of the web will be the first to stand up and declare: "I AM THE DADDY!!!"

(It won't be Loki, he's more the surly older brother who resurfaces occasionally with a bag load of dirty washing....)

 
At 2:16 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

LOL! What an insecure, twitching bag of neuroses I am!

I like the idea of a huge log-jam of a stand-off, an internet version of an asian action-film like "City on Fire" or "Infernal Affairs"...a huge circle of bloggers, each with a gun to the head of the next one...who'll blink first?!

Me as a blogging father-figure LOL! I'm barely potty-trained meself... After my 1/64th Jewish ruminations a while back, Simon Silverdollar hinted that I might have a Messiah Complex LOL! That might be worth cultivating...set up a Cult and call it The Church of ME!

Even tho Loki's a bit (okay a lot!) younger than me, I always view him as a kindly, eccentric uncle type LOL! The one who only visits once or twice a year, but always brings cool, exotic stuff with him and is the only adult at the family gathering who knows who Marine Boy is...

 
At 5:36 pm, Blogger doppelganger said...

heh.... sinisterly avuncular...

 
At 7:04 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

"Sinisterly Avuncular" - isn't that a track by Frank Zappa?

 
At 4:15 pm, Blogger doppelganger said...

like I'd know?

 
At 7:29 pm, Blogger kek-w said...

Still being coy about yr Zappa fixation, eh?

Okay, yer secret's safe w/ me...

 

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