Pleased to announce my wife came in last at the school Pancake Race...
And not in a humiliating/embarassing way...no, I'm waaaaay proud of the way she kinda just sashay'd round the course, randomly dropping her pancake and laughing, with a like I give a fuck expression on her face, while the handful of stressed-out competitive mum front-runners jostled and elbowed and glowered at each other, 'cause it's like such a total big deal coming first in front of yr kids, innit. "Go, mum, gooooo!" yelled Kid Kid Shirt, who, like Chris, doesn't give a shit about such things, but it's hard to run w/ a pancake on yr face without looking like a living, 3-D Mister Smiley.
"Bloody wind kept lifting the pancake," shrugged Chris as she trotted across the line, unfazed and oozing cool, 30 seconds after a clutch of rabid, fat mums had given themselves a mass coronary. "Do I have to eat it now? It's got gravel all over it..."
Somewhere behind her, the woman who'd come second was squaring up to the woman who'd come third...pans were clenched tightly in white-knuckled hands: it was about to kick off. "Yer just a bad loser! I was at least a foot ahead of you..."