KID SHIRT

Thursday, February 16, 2006

PAPER RADIOS

My own children seem to have hijacked my Kid Shirt Sci-Fi Spy Adventure Club idea and are currently working it up into some sort of corporate franchise (which was definitely not my intention...).

Jeez. Whatever next...Kid Kid Shirt, the eldest, is only five, and she's already some sort of weird venture capitalist version of 'M' from the Bond films. The Bernard Lee incarnation, not that twat Cleese.

I must say, tho', I'm inpressed by the breadth of her vision and ingenuity: first Sci-Fi Spy Gadget design off the conceptual drawing-board is the Paper Radio...





Kid Kid Shirt and her junior spy friend Lucy K spent most of yesterday afternoon roughing up prototypes and soon found that they could talk to each other in different rooms. Just think of the possibilities here: radios that don't use electricity, so they don't need batteries or power-supplies; they operate across limitless distances and are untraceable, because they are conceptual devices, powered entirely by Imagination. The patents are theoretically worth trillions, but I'll be giving these away free...yes, that's right, giving these away free, but only to members of The Kid Shirt Sci-Fi Spy Adventure Club...

Just think, kids...your very own paper radio, powered by nothing more than your own dreams. Using your paper radio, you'll be able to talk to people on other planets, or in other dimensions or time-zones...you can even talk to the Dead, or to fictional characters or to people (and creatures) that don't even exist...Kid Kid Shirt was so thrilled with hers that she even took it to bed with her, and you will too. Within minutes of owning a paper radio, you'll wonder why you ever owned a mobile/cellular phone...that 'state-of-the-art' Nokia will be rusting in the rubbish-bin and, before you know it, you'll be saying "Over" at the end of every sentence and making 'crackling' noises with your tongue and teeth.

Me kids are now currently hard at work on the Kid Shirt Decoder, so that members of The Kid Shirt Sci-Fi Spy Adventure Club will be able to pass each other encrypted messages that 'outsiders' (Fascist Oppressors of the weak & helpless, faceless Kafka-esque Beaurocrats, bogus Brit-Punk 'pop' groups, Zionist shitbags, middle-aged Style Mag writers, jeep-driving aspirational booojois fuckwits: we've got a silver bullet w/ yr name on it...) will not be able to understand w/out a decoder.

I have to say, the initial prototype knocked-up by KK Shirt shows flashes of genius...



...based on a substitutional code, I see, where 'b' is swapped for 'o', and 'e' is swapped for 's' (as are 'k', 'l' and, er, 'm'...), but, my God, I would never have dreamt of substituting 'n', 'o', 'p', 'q', 'r', 's', 't', 'u', 'v', 'w', 'x', 'y' and 'z' for...uh... 'n', 'o', 'p', 'q', 'r', 's', 't', 'u', 'v', 'w', 'x', 'y' and 'z'...

I asked KKS about this, and she looked at me like I was stupid (which I am) and said, "Huh? Daddy, those are different n's and m's..."

Apparently, they only look like normal n's, m's, etc, but they're actually different letters taken from another, more secret alphabet.

Incredible! You know, this just might work...

Eb, if ybu can read thie, then ybu've paeeed the firet teet. And are esigible fbr sesberehip bf The Sid Ehirt Eci-Fi Epy Advsnturs Csub.