KID SHIRT

Saturday, December 03, 2005

BELGIUM CALLING...

Big B-b-b-brrrrraaa-aaaa-a-aappppps out to Nick Guttah for sending me this lickle darlin' today:



So help me, I fucking love New Beat and so does Nick, The Psychster and, I strongly suspect, Loki too. (Expect an instant stream of outraged denials, death threats, solicitors' letters, etc from my fellow Idiot-Guiders...) Yeah, I love New Beat, always have done, but then, I'm totally shameless.

This record is a smasher; a heartfelt homage from V/VM that hits all the right (G-)Spots: slope-shouldered, morbid, lumbering beats that sound like they're dragging a dead body around behind them (Eh? What's that? Oh, apparently you're supposed to play these records at plus-8...da! Fuck that..); cheesy grunt n groan porn soundtrack samples; slowed down voices and awkward Akai stuh-stuh-stutter abuse; plodding bass-lines that quiver and shudder like a malfunctioning vibrator; shameless rip-offs and steals from US/UK Acid/Early Techno Trax; blatantly lazy Stock, Aitken & Waterman style use of keyboard presets: it's all here...James Kirby aka V/VM has excelled himself; he's perfectly retro-engineered the musty, fusty vibe of New Beat, the Genre that Dare Not Speak its Name. In fact, James has probably put far more energy and imagination into recreating this music than the originators ever put into making it in the first place (and I mean that totally as a compliment to both parties...)...New Beat took Numan and early-ish Depeche Mode and tried to sexualise it, but failed completely and created something asexual instead...a coked-up automaton that makes all the right noises, but whose heart isn't really in it...

"Be-dash - Must Do" is a memetic recreation of a shameless New Beat reworking of the KLF's "What Time is Love" by (rummages round garage...now, where did I put that fucker...) Liaisons D...

"I Wanna Fuck Miss Nicky Trax" is truly horrible...it's like a Zombie-Porn soundtrack...something lifted from a Snuff Movie or the Pirate TV station on "Videodrome"...it's utterly fabulous...disturbing, but utterly fabulous...In some parallel universe (in my head), New Beat never really died out...it was far more miserable and funnier than The Smiths ever were.

The great thing about this twelve is that it has got me reaching into my record-shelves for a fistful of the originals ("Rock to the Beat" by 101, Jade 4-U...); it makes me wish I'd held onto to some of those LPs and twelves that I cleared out about 5 years ago. Jeez...gonna have to buy those dodgy Erotic Dissidents albums all over again...

I hereby publically apologise to James for flogging my copy of his Falco tribute record.

So backcomb yr hair, put on some vinyl trousers, roll up yr jacket-sleeves and get on over to V/Vm's neon-lit basement-disco, somewhere near Ghent, check out the fab decor and treat yrself to a copy of this 7-track twelve: it's a fucking labour of love.

Of course, this is all Nick's fault for sending me the damn thing (and Simon Reynolds, for egging him on (not that Nick needs any/much egging)), and for James for making the damn record in the first place...! I'm pretty damn sure Nick'll be waxing lyrical soon about all this stuff, so I suggest that all you sick little pervert-groovers keep checking his blog on a regular basis...

The New Beat Revival starts here.