KID SHIRT

Monday, July 11, 2005

A RIGHT ROYAL CARRY-ON...

Needless to say, my heart goes out to the victims of the recent London bombings. Their lives and limbs have been shattered, and you’d think they’d be safe in a hospital bed, but, no, the fucking Royal family goes and decides to inflict a visit on them…

For Godsake, have you no decency, you jug-eared bastards!? These folks have suffered enough; let them be…

Some of these people have had their lives torn apart, but you’re turning their misfortune into a bloody photo-opportunity; a cynical attempt to soften Camilla’s media-profile…and let's not mention the needless disruption to already-overstretched London hospitals and Health Service workers as assorted Royals flounce in followed by a horde of assorted toadies, senior Hospital Trust administrators, ward sisters, etc...and behind them, a swarm of rabid newshounds, TV-presenters, technicians and sound-engineers...and then an army of Royal Protection Officers, Secret Service spooks and various Special Ops goons that are costing the tax-payer Christknowswhat-an-hour at a time when the Met. Police Force is probably also stretched to breaking-point.

I mean, if you’d just had your left leg blown off, the last thing you’d want is a bunch of TV crews running close-ups of the 2nd degree burns on your face…of course, the Royals couldn’t possibly pay a private, unpublicised visit to the bomb-victims, because this nonsense is all about showing us how much they care

Over the weekend, The Queen said (something along the lines of): “This cowardly attack will not change the way we go about our business…” Yeah, I bet it won’t, luv…oh, sorry, you were talking about ‘ordinary’ Londoners, not yourselves

Still, The Royals, gotta love ‘em, eh? As a mark of solidarity with their subjects, they stayed put in Buckingham Palace all through The Blitz…eating roast lamb and swigging 150-year old vintage wine while the rest of London was on rations and riddled with rickets. (Incredible that the Luftwaffe managed to consistently miss a target as big as Buckingham Palace for, what 4 years... Duh! I forgot…Hitler allegedly ordered that it should be spared from the bombing so that he had first dibs on it after the war. And how cool would that have looked, eh, with 200ft-high stylised Neo-Suprematist eagles on each wing? Loads better than that Retro-Roman Classicist Look the Windsors' cribs are currently rocking...how very...Georgian. So, to paraphrase Gary Numan: Fascists always have the best design conceits…) Yeah, and I bet there was nothing more morale-boosting than The Queen Mother swanning around the smouldering ruins of The East End in an ermine wrap, bless ‘er.

Anyway, enough of this doom and gloom…time to rally round the flag ("Cheer up, lads, could be worse," etc)... according to the weekend papers, a crack SAS team has been put on red-alert and given unlimited ‘shoot-to-kill’ status…

Let’s just hope they can track down and take out these so-called ‘Royals’ before they terrorise any more innocent people.