KID SHIRT

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

THE FERAL GANGS WHO RULE OUR STREETS

Today's Daily fucking Mail:

What a great headline!

For those of you who can't be bothered to click & enlarge, the small bit of text at the bottom (I mean, God forbid they don't run a picture of Kylie on the front cover) reads: "A Top Policeman painted a horrifying picture yesterday of communities terrorised by gangs of 'feral youths'..."

But shouldn't that read "A top Artist..."? Or maybe it's a policeman who paints part-time, as a hobby or pastime. Either way, I'd really love to see this horrifying picture that he's painted. I wonder if it's in the style of Simon Bisley? Or maybe even Bernie Wrightson? Bet it's not that horrifying, tho'...I regularly watch Italian Cannibal movies, I'll have you know.

Still, feral kids...just how prescient was I to have written this:


(Second City Blues: 2000AD Prog 1424, Feb 2005)

As their armoured Away-Bus is pelted with bricks and molotov cocktails on their way to a match in Wolverhampton, Coach says: "Oh, nothing to worry about...just some feral kids."

Wolverhampton has been renamed Second City, Sub-District Three ("twinned with Vulcan's Arse, Callisto..."), but a grafitti-artist has bombed the sign and renamed it Wolf City, after my favourite Amon Duul 2 LP. Still, hadn't counted on feral kids "ruling our streets" 'til at least, oh, 2278...hurrah for The Mail!

But (feral) kids today, eh? They're a bloody disgrace...they need to buck up their ideas: most of them can't even make a decent petrol-bomb. They would've been effin' useless in Paris, 1968.

Still, here's hoping that the Daily fucking Mail come up with some more hysterically Buffy-esque headlines like "MRSA Werewolf Hospital Rampage", "Disgrace of Asylum-Seeking Vampires", "Blair is Satan's Poodle", etc. I'm sure they could do a good one about 'hoodies': "Hooded Terror That Stalks our Malls" or something similar.

As for Kylie's breast cancer diagnosis: Yeah, cheer up, luv..."Even in the darkest hours there are moments of joy"...unlike your bloody records!

All I can say is: thank Christ it wasn't Dannii!