KID SHIRT

Friday, April 29, 2005

"MORNING HAS BROKE-IN..."

This just in, from today's Yeovil Express:



Huh? So, let's see if I've got this right: Cat Stevens has been arrested while attempting to nick three quid from some charity-boxes in a Yeovil solicitors' office (Three quid? Not very charitable, are they, these Yeovil solicitors? I'm sure Matt Murdock wouldn't be so tight-fisted..."Oh, hi there, Foggy. I've just put fifty bucks in the Hells Kitchen Orphans Box..." "Uh, Matt, that was my trouser-fly...").

The prosecuter said that Stevens "had not had a hit (of smack) for 36 hours and was desperate." It's a shame. Poor guy's obviously fallen on hard times. Maybe the royalty checks from Chris 'Vampire' Blackwell have finally dried up...

Still, here's hoping that this is just the start of an Island Records-themed crimewave in the Yeovil area. In coming weeks, we may get to see the surviving members of Traffic get done for nicking cars from outside the dole-office car-park, Sparks arrested for Arson, and in-house label producer Muff Winwood collared for...

Actually, let's not go there with that one.

BEST CARESSED CHICKEN IN TOWN

Stop Press! Stop Press!

A few minutes ago on Westward Diary, they claimed an elderly Jamaican man called Lee 'Scratch' Perry had (allegedly) been arrested for chicken-fiddling in Chetnole. Local farmer Chris Blackwell said: "It's true! It's true! I swear I saw him do it...!"