KID SHIRT

Sunday, December 26, 2004

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!

Remember, a Bedingfield isn't just for Christmas (unfortunately).



My latest piece of Bedingfield Boxing-Day Bad Karma is that there are not three, but four of the God-Bothering little fuckers. Still, let's cross that bridge when we come to it...

Bedingfield Sprog #3 is 15-yr old Joshua (How biblical a name is that?), so expect the launch any day now of his project: a scarily-wholesome power-sk8-pop trio in the vein of Busted (but with an evangelical slant) called something like Nu Testament. They'll probably have little halos on their skate-boards, or near-subliminal cross or fish logos on their oversized hooded-sweats...a bunch of implausibly cute, Hanson-esque, well-groomed, stage-school kids. "Christian? Well, hey, I don't like being boxed-in by labels or tags, man...I prefer to describe us as, uh, spiritual, knowhatimsayin'...it's not something we like to ram down people's throats, but, yeah, I, uh, do believe in some kinda higher spiritual force and, uh, you can call it God or whatever like but, y'know, it's down to personal choice like Smokin' or drinkin' or, uh, doin' drugs, I mean, we're not Christian like, uh, cliff Richard is...no way, dude! We're more sorta, I dunno... straight-edge, I guess...we're just saving ourselves for the right girl, aren't we, guys?"

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

What, you think it can't happen? It already has, suckers: U2, Destiny's Child...

Jesus is on constant 45-minute MTV rotation.

As for the fourth (and youngest) Bedingfield. Well, there's rumours that there's been a few problems on the styling front; still, it's nothing that the PR people can't iron out, I'm sure: