KID SHIRT

Monday, November 29, 2004

GIRLS AT OUR BEST

Wow. Was last night's Girls Aloud special on TMF possibly the best Pop program on TV ever?

It was "An Audience With" type 'live' affair with punters picked from the GA Fan Club, I guess...but, hey, where were the invites for myself, Loki, Nick Gutterbreakz, Psychbloke, Dom Zero, etc...? I reckon we've done more on our various blogs to promote the girls (albeit sordidly)than their own publicists...

'Live' routines and video-clips were interspersed with Q&A sessions from acne-scarred, socially-disfunctional, wheelchair-bound Fan Club members with near-Tourette levels of speech meltdown that would've made even Clunk from Catch That Pigeon (starring Dastardly and Mutley) blush with embarrassment. Typical questions ran along the lines of "If you were a bloke, which of your band-members would you most like to go out with?" (oo-errr, missus!). It was utterly fantastic. People were openly weeping (myself included) when they played their Chrissie Hynde cover at the end.

(Chrissie Hynde: isn't she as mad as a bag of copulating frogs these days? Anyone see that piss-poor rockumentary about her the other day? I'm tellin' ya: she's completely lost it; if she wasn't famous then she would've been forcibly sectioned by now! When The Pretenders played Yeovil in, God I've no idea when, 1980 or '81 maybe (I didn't go because I totally fucking hate them...) someone told me she was running around the Johnson Hall car-park afterwards, presumably speeding her tits off, directing the traffic...)

Dom was spot on: only two of GA seemed to have a basic grasp of the English language as they wrestled with abstract concepts such as Shopping and Fame, or tried to convey the horror of being constantly stalked ("Yeah, well, I mean, it's flatterin', innit? But, like, really, you know, creepy too.."), while the others either mumbled incoherently or giggled as they filled their knickers.

Most importantly, though, I think I've figured out which one I fancy. Haven't worked out her name yet, but, yeah, it's the rough-looking one.

GET OVER YOURSELF, GIRL

Today's celebrity oaf is Mary J. Bilge...sorry, Blige ("R&B superstar, age 33"):

"People...they're always saying: 'Wow, Mary, what is your beauty regime?' and I reply that 'My beauty regime is Christ!'"

Oh, please.