IT'S WEDNESDAY AND I'M STILL 1/64th JEWISH
Still, it's good to hear that Madonna has a tight grip on world affairs: "Global terror is everywhere...down the street, round the block..."
Wow, I really had no idea that the word "global", like, means everywhere on this planet. Jumpin' Jiminy; is no where safe? What, "Down the street..."? So, if I like pop down the corner shop and buy a packet of fags and a Troma DVD then some towelhead with an RPG will try and injure me? Well, the sooner we get American nukes back on British soil, the safer I'll feel. "That's it: stack 'em up over there with all those nerve-agents, depleted-uranium shells and theoretically-illegal-under-international-law type bio-weps..." Phew! That's better. I feel loads safer now. All those big, heavy payload, earth-scorching thermo-nukes and incredibly complex missile-shields costing trillions sure do stop small cells of dedicated internationally-trained religious fanatics on a mission to take out our local Spar shop. Or maybe it's just some local kids hanging out with cans of Kestrel lager. Nah, don't be stupid: that kind of thinking'll get ya killed...
Madge, luv, do us all a fucking favour: stop pretending to be an expert on anything other than making money. And stop patronising us Brits about how "British" you are, wearing a flat-cap and sipping a pint with William fucking Orbit. If you're bored, then why don't you go and take out a High-Court injunction against some ramblers, or make an apologist advert for The Israeli Ministry of Zionism? Sorry, I meant Tourism?
What was it they used to say back in the Cold War about Communists and Russia: if you like it so much why don't you go and fucking live there?