KID SHIRT

Monday, August 30, 2004

SPOILT FOR CHOICE

Okay, so you got cidered-up at the Wurzels gig on friday, and pie-and-mashed with Chas and Dave in Chilthorne Domer at lunchtime today. Bet you're feeling pretty hollowed out and empty right now...how are you gonna fill all those long, long, lonely hours until you eventually grow old and die (or see Van Morrison)...

Well, this thursday there's an Evening of Clairvoyance in the Awareness Centre at the Unitarian Hall, Yeovil. I think me mate Darryl was pretty big on the Spiritualist Scene in Yeovil...he used to go to seances and stuff rather than the cinema. (It was cheaper and more interesting) If yer reading this, Daz...maybe you could, uh, share one or two of your weird Yeovil paranormal experiences with us, via the comments box. Altogether, now: hold hands...Darryl, are yoooooooou theeerrrrrre....?

And on September 9th The South Somerset Humanists Society meet in Mulberry's Bistro, Union Street, Yeovil. And, if you're really lucky, there'll be a massive scrap outside the Wine Vaults (opposite Mulberrys) at chucking-out time like there usually is most evenings ...

And, don't forget: There's Belly Dancing Classes at the Labour Club every wednesday.

Phew. Dunno how I'll fit it all in.

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

Forget AVP: one Franchise Collision that I would really like to see is: Chuckie Vs. The Puppet-Master.

And if that did okay on Straight-to-DVD, then pump up the franchise(s) another notch and give me Dollman Vs. Chuckie and The Puppet-Master.

But let's not stop there. Howzabout: Dollman and Doll-Master Vs. Chuckie and The Puppet-Master?

Also wouldn't mind seeing Dead Clowns Vs Killer Clowns from Outer Space. Hell, I'd even write it for them if they asked me nicely.


I JUST BURN, BURN, BURN...

Talking to the bloke who runs the burger-van in B&Q's car-park. He says: "Yeah, I pay the council a grand a year to park here..." What's that for, I ask him, a licence or something? He looks heavenward for inspiration as he slaps some soggy onions on a bun: " 'What'sit for?' It's for...lemme see...oh, yeah, I remember now: it's for absolutely nothing whatsoever." He stops to watch a pair of jeeps pull into the car-park next to a display of garden-sheds, then says: "Look at those wankers. They've got the day off and they come here looking for work...dozy fuckers. Go and clean your cars or something. Wouldn't fucking catch me here if I had the day off. You want ketchup on these?"

Round the back, in the garden centre there's a special offer on "Fiery Jack" pansies. I didn't buy any.