CHRISTIAN HAIR-WEAVES (AND OTHER STORIES)
And what about these scurrilous rumours going around Yeovil about U2? One is that Bono (ha!) allegedly wears a hairpiece. Nice.
Another makes a light-hearted mention of the secret session-musicians that the band allegedly stash away under the stage at stadium-gigs to bolster their live sound.
What terrible, terrible lies some people tell. I mean, it couldn't possibly be true, could it? If it wasn't for the likes of Bono, the Third World would be mired in poverty. I don't know how these awful scandal-mongers can sleep at night.
Still, speaking of U2's management:
South Somerset Waste Partnership delivered our new wheelie-bins this week. (No sign of Billy-Bob Thornton, though, he's probably working under-cover in Asda...) The idea, presumably, is to force local people to recycle by restricting the amount of rubbish the bin-men will take per collection. Trouble is, their plan'll probably backfire: most people are basically too lazy, so they'll just dump bin-bags full of used nappies in lay-bys, neighbours' drives, etc.
Nice to see that Failed Sculptress and Bourgeois Class Traitor PJ Harvey is doing her bit for Recycling, though. Recycling's easy, anyone can do it: just pick a random song by Patti Smith, Joy Division, etc, change a couple of notes and give them new titles. Oh, sorry if I'm trivialising the Artistic Process, luv: I forgot to mention that you'll also need to mumble some bad poetry you scribbled on the back of a fag-packet when you were in the 4th-year at school.
Recycling worked pretty well for Blur (though, thankfully not for Elastica); they actually got a proper career in Pop Music out of it and, these days, you can't even watch TOTP without tripping over former Catalogue Models and Public School Boys pretending to be Echo & The Bunnymen, The Cure and (God help us) The Jam. Stock, Aitken and Waterman tried a similar tactic: they changed a few notes on obscure '80's Gay Hi-NRG records thinking that no one would notice and when someone did, they wheeled out the ole' argument of plagarism's acceptable because (a) The Beatles and The Stones did it back in the Sixties; (b) It's the sincerest form of flattery; (c) Genius Steals. Ten minutes later they sued M.A.R.R.S. for sampling them.
A little birdie tell me that Peej (as we affectionately refer to her round these parts) played Brian 'dad of Otis' Ferry's "Let's Stick Together" at her recent so-secret-that-it-sold-out village hall gig. Bless her. Presumably, she didn't try and Recycle it because too many people actually knew the song.